He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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