Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
