how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
