where does the pee come out of this thing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
