So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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