I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
