worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
