when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
