True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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