I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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