Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
