How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
