btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
