I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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