the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
