i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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