last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
