I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
