i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
