I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
