why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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