i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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