Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
