I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
