I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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