so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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