Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
