all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
