There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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