im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
