Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
