Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
