How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
