Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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