In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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