On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
