Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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