Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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