I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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