Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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