dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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