He asked to "fluff my boner.."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
