when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
