Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
