my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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