The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
