Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
