my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
