Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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