The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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