nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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